When I wake up
To my morning coffee.
Reading the newspaper.

I spend the daylight hours
thinking about you, about us.
And finally resisting myself from the thoughts.
To set myself ready and charged up for the day.

And in the evenings my dreams are all about the possibilities
Of what we could do together, what we could become.
If only I didn’t let go of you,
If only I paid attention to you, to us
Made time for the things that were important
Loved you the way you did.

If only I wasn’t a coward who gave up
On you the moment I realized that we’d be faced with numerous challenges,
Each one harder than the last.
If only I didn’t let go of you,
I would be the one who’s by your side all the time, supporting you, caring for you, and loving you with all my heart.
If only.

Now it’s too late, and try as I might, I can never bring back the past,
where you and I were still together.
Sharing beautiful moments
Close to each other feeling too hard.
I cannot bring back the nights
I spend laying my head on your chest
Watching a movie
And waking up to you face.
I cannot bring back the days
When I felt low and you cooked my favorite food to uplift my mood.
I surely cannot bring back the time when you hugged me from the back
Suddenly and passionately while I was in the kitchen.
And the way it used to mess up my dish.
If only.

But Now
I can only love you from afar.